Right, so I’m in the middle of a few projects which is great and not so great all at the same time. Great because of money (yay, money!), not so great because I feel like I’m working working working, sleeping, eating, working…and the little rebel inside me just wants to do other things…like any things other than the mountain of work I’ve somehow managed to “win” all in the same month with almost all the same delivery dates. It’s only making me a tiny bit entirely loony.
I’m taking a lunch break right now. And while I’m on that topic…did you know I’ve managed to lose over 20 pounds in the last two months? Mostly, this is because of all the food eliminating (gluten, soy, sugar, dairy, grains…etc. etc…) It’s been tough, but after 8 weeks it’s not so tough – you know? I’m **supposed** to be adding things back in now…guinea pigging myself…not fun. Dairy is still a no go and after about 5 days straight of dark cocoa (smoothies, gluten free fudgie cakes) it’s safe to assume that chocolate is a caution food…maybe a once a week food. But, hey, WINE is totally okay! And, you realize by WINE I am talking an ENTIRE BOTTLE OF WINE.
This week I will try rice, next week I will try potatoes then maybe lentils. I really would rather not add anything back in, it’s frustrating when I have a reaction to something I’ve added back and depressing because I obviously want to be able to EAT ALL THE THINGS. Meat, vegetables and fruit are now my staples. I’ve eaten at a restaurant exactly once in two months…I ate two eggs and 2 pieces of bacon…3 grapes, and a piece of melon. It was at that point in the meal that I started to feel “weird” and had to talk myself down from an anxiety attack…from out of no where. This includes warning my breakfast companion that I feel “floaty”. Thankfully they knew it was best to just keep talking to me like a regular person and also to tell me “it’s okay” while avoiding phrases like “you’re fine.” Having an anxiety attack in public is one of my fears…like keeps me in the house all weekend…fears. Fainted in public once a few years ago, that’s probably my worst fear now.
Anxiety isn’t something I write about very much, well, maybe I do…I’m not sure. Writing in this space has been a bit spotty lately. Posting in this space does help to relieve some of my anxiety. The food plan I’m on is helping with all my issues…including the anxiety. When I feel better, I am better. My type of inflammation is incurable and made worse by stress and all the foods I do my best to avoid (only took 20 or so years to figure out and most of it I’ve had to figure out on my own). While on the restricted diet (I should call it optimized instead of restricted, sounds more cheerful – yeah?) I’ve only had to take motrin once in two months, my migraines have not returned and I can breathe much better. At this point my anti-anxiety protocols should be engraved on a medic alert bracelet. It could say “CHRONICALLY WEIRD – ADMINISTER COFFEE” or “ACUTELY AWKWARD – DO NOT HUG” or something. You do realize, I’m going to have put those two things on t-shirts now.
The plan for the rest of 2015 is to get as much work done as possible while I am feeling well (I’m such a glass have empty kind of bird, aren’t I?) and also to write more, more often. <3
(thanks for reading)